[Fic] Blueberries - slash, Sam/Sam, Sam/Cas, past Sam/Jess; breathplay, S9 tag

[kalliel]

Title: Blueberries
Genre: slash (sort of?), hurt/dark headspace, 9x10 "Road Trip" tag
Pairing: Sam/Sam, Sam/Cas, past Sam/Jess, Sam+Dean, in their desperate gencest way
Rating: R
Word Count: ~2500
Warnings/Enticements: masturbation, erotic asphyxiation/breathplay, semicidal thoughts, rather unfiltered rage?
Summary: A very belated fill for a_starfish, who prompted the following: For some time since/after Sam expelled Gadreel, Sam has been experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxia partly as a result of ambivalent and ambiguous feelings about life/death, control over autonomy, taking control of life through something involving the risk of death. Castiel's aware, to some extent, of what Sam's up to and although conflicted hasn't done/said anything until this point because it's Sam's choice and his risk to take.

At some point, somewhat reluctantly, Cas is conflicted but starts taking a more active role. Cue some consensual breathplay/asphyxia, but it's still supremely fucked up and dysfunctional. And dark.

Is this a bedroom thing or a dungeon one? I'm unclear, Cas says.