Fic: And this Great Blue World of Ours, Chapter 11

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

Title: And this Great Blue World of Ours (Chapter 11)
Author: vail_kagami
Beta: minviendha 
Characters (overall): Dean, Castiel, Sam, plus a number of angels and demons
Rating (overall): NC-17
Warnings (overall): violence, torture, drug use, insanity, mentions of rape
Spoilers: Going AU during episode 5.18: Point of No Return. Vague spoilers for season six.
Words (this chapter): 11,192
Summary: A man wakes up in a ruined wasteland, without memories, without a name, without knowing the strange guy who claims he used to be an angel, or that he once had a little brother. All he knows is that the world is dying, everyone is lying to him and that somehow, somewhere, something went terribly wrong. Because someone said Yes when they should have said No, and someone else paid the price.

Masterpost


He’d once promised Sam he wouldn’t lie to him.


Posted at Dreamwidth due to length. Comment anywhere you like.

Comments

[sinka.livejournal.com]

Okay, so Jena is Gabriel and now it seems so obvious that I feel utterly stupid for not realizing ealier! Of course Gabriel is still alive in this universe since 5x19 never came to happen!! As usual, I have mixed feelings about him, up until his death in canon I thought he was a coward for not standing up to his brothers and sticking for the humanity (whom he obviously was fond of). As Jena it looks like he's trying to help somehow but without getting his hands dirty... my opinion of him will much depend of what will he do from now on.

I'm STILL pissed as hell with Dean of course. I thought I was calmer now but this chapter has awakened again my boiling anger. I was hoping he wouldn't run away but as he has taken yet again the easy way out!! he's so afraid of remembering he's removing himself from anything that could trigger his memory and I feel like he's betraying Sam's memorie yet again. I want to skin him alive so he can understand just 0.00000000001% of the suffering Sam has gone through, specially deep inside he already KNOWS and he's just protecting himself!!. Very much looking forward to that breakdown (and damn him for making me feel this way because I've never been a sadist!).

The interlude... honestly, I had to prepare myself to read it (I locked mysefl in my bedroom with kleenex and water) because as much as I look forward to them I totally dread them as I know they are going to hurt badly. But still, I was not ready for it being so utterly and desperately painful and difficult to read. It was like my heart was breaking a little more with each woord.

Ironically, the sentence that made me start sobbing was "His last thought was, unexpectedly, of Dean.". Because the Dean I love wouldn't have never allowed this to happen and at that moment I missed him as much as Castiel. As much as Sam everytime in his delirious calls to his brother...

Sam's torture was... you can't even imagine how many times I cringed at your descriptions and had to stop reading...

I remember Cas thinking in one of previous interludes that at least Sam didn't remember hell when he came back. It seemed strange at the moment, but now I have the sneaking suspicion that Sam just hid it from him to protect him until the nightmares and madness took hold on him. That sounds like Sam, doesn't it? I see Lucifer lets him in hell for a year at least everytime, so I don't want to imagine what happened to him in there, every demon trying to be more creative than the previous one.

Not very happy with Gabriel in this interlude by the way. I see his point about family but I guess I can't be rational when he's letting Sam to live several weeks (years) of torture. Believing his only friend is dead, and going through an endless queue of demons who want to hurt him.

The worst part was Sam coming back to life without hope, without even believing Cas is real and knowing his fight was useless, and that sooner or later he would give in and all he had done would ammount to nothing...

I've always loved that Sam is incredibly strong, trying to always go forward, so that's why his hopelessness and desperation, seeing him silent and crying and without any spark in his eyes cut through me like nothing had ever before.

So I understand why seeing Sam broken moved Castiel to make that promise. I thought at first he was already thinking on killing him and keeping his soul safe but he said he 'failed'. So I can't imagine what was the plan and were the consequences... unless that IS the plan but something happened and Sam's soul is not as safe or calm or protected as I believed until now...

I'm scared out of my mind about the part one finale in two weeks! And I'm sure it will be at the same time *worse* and *better* that I'm imagining because somehow you always manage to exceed my expectations!!

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

Once again, your comment made my (work-)day!

I'm really happy how Jena worked out. I've been trying to drop tiny little hints without being too obvious. Just so that upon second reading everyone would see it, but miss it the first time.
There'll be more of her/him, too, in the second act.
It's a bit difficult to write him, though, because he's not human and not quite who he was at the end of his life in canon because things that defined him and influenced his desicions never happened. I'll get into that later.

Dean is about to reach a turning point - quite literally. I'm not telling you which direction he'll turn in, though. :P

Sam's pretty much reached the end of his rope. I can't even blame him.

By the way, when Cas thought about failing, he meant Dean, not himself. You're not the only one who got that wrong, though, which made me realise I worded it wrong. I'm going to edit that.

Are you going to feel better when I tell you that you're going to absolutely hate the ending of the next chapter?
Probably not...

[sinka.livejournal.com]

Nope, not feeling better!! In fact I'm feeling even more scared because your know pretty well my tastes and if you say that it can only mean there is even more suffering for Sam ahead. That or Dean is going to turn for the worse decide not to try to bring him back to life either (please Dean I still have faith in the real you, don't crush it) or... I don't know... but I know it will be something terrible and heartbreaking!

Jena worked out incredibly well, you managed exactly what you were looking for because the clues were there all the time!! but still it was impossible to see for me until it was obvious.

The last sentence (now that I understand it, sigh) it's even more heartbreaking since I see that it's the turning point from Cas, in which he understand the old Dean better than ever but precisely what he did becomes even more unforgivable.

Sam at the end of his rope... *sob*

By the way, I don't see if you have seen the Season 7 preview, or any of the ComiCon or E!Online interviews? but it seems we can look forward to a lot Sam's suffering and dealing with the memories of hell! You were worried that Cas was going to fix it on the first chapter, but it seems finally we will be able to see what we were all hoping for in season 6 but never happened!!

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

Yes, I've seen the previews. I'm very exited about them! Finally, some suffering for Sam! (Okay, that sounds just awful.) I'm very much looking foreward to season 7 - other than what seems like most of the fandom but is probably just a very, very loud fraction of Castiel fans. (The "Everything has gone to shit and I'll never watch this again" kind.)