Fic: And this Great Blue World of Ours, Chapter 11

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

Title: And this Great Blue World of Ours (Chapter 11)
Author: vail_kagami
Beta: minviendha 
Characters (overall): Dean, Castiel, Sam, plus a number of angels and demons
Rating (overall): NC-17
Warnings (overall): violence, torture, drug use, insanity, mentions of rape
Spoilers: Going AU during episode 5.18: Point of No Return. Vague spoilers for season six.
Words (this chapter): 11,192
Summary: A man wakes up in a ruined wasteland, without memories, without a name, without knowing the strange guy who claims he used to be an angel, or that he once had a little brother. All he knows is that the world is dying, everyone is lying to him and that somehow, somewhere, something went terribly wrong. Because someone said Yes when they should have said No, and someone else paid the price.

Masterpost


He’d once promised Sam he wouldn’t lie to him.


Posted at Dreamwidth due to length. Comment anywhere you like.

Comments

[marziebarz.livejournal.com]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH YOU CANT LEAVE IT THERE!!! HOW DID HE FAIL IN THE END??? 2 more weeks on the edge of my seat for me haha ^_^

Suppose I should start going through in order now, huh. So can I just say that if I'm wrong about what I'm about to say I'm gonna feel like the worlds biggest idiot? I mean I'm pretty sure I'm right, but...little disclaimer =P

Approximately 6 lines from the beginning I thought "Is that...no way. It can't be." And then Jena said she was bored and I was internally screaming "GABRIELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY" because I realized he died AFTER 5.18, so he could totally be there. And then he (she?) said he'd had a vessel for like 500 years and it solidified it for me. I love Gabriel so much, because I think he does try to help, in his own way, and I really hope he sticks around =D

And the devil is still my brother. I know you’re the last person who’d understand this, but not everyone is eager to strike down their own family.

OH GOD MY HEART. This just hurts. Because Dean used to be last in line to strike down his family, and now everything is just SO WRONG and he’s making GABRIEL seem like a better person than him, a little bit. GABRIEL.
That's just so wrong on so many different levels. And it actually made the Interlude hurt even more, for me, because Dean completely gave up on Sam and just assumed he would give in, and even when Sam broke so horribly and totally he never said 'Yes'.

Castiel wished he could think of something to say to comfort his friend, but there was nothing at all.He’d once promised Sam he wouldn’t lie to him.

I officially love their relationship in this story more than I have ever loved any relationship ever. Its like everything that was great about Cas and Dean turned into everything that was great about Cas and Sam, and then got better. And I think I actually like it more than Dean and Sam's relationship a little, because Dean would have said something empty that was meant to be comforting and at this point I don't think it actually would have helped anything. I'm a fan of the brutal honesty.

Just, the whole interlude was fantastic. I mean, I always love seeing Cas and Sam, but I dunno, this was just brilliant beyond belief to me. Cas fighting himself over what his priorities should be, knowing he should put the world first but wanting SOMEBODY to put Sam first, was really powerful to me. I think that's a lot of who Cas is in this story - he knows what he should have at the top of his list, but I think really the top of his list will always be Sam. And always having the thought that Sam could have given in at the back of his mind, but at the same time refusing to think about it when he finally gets close to finding his friend. And stupid Gabriel and his stupid thing about everything going according to the plan and everything Castiel does being futile. And Cas just sitting in the middle of the street with Sam's dead body, waiting for Lucifer to open his eyes. And Cas promising Sam at the end, so reminiscent of Dean; this promise seemed more true to me, though, if only because we all know how well Dean was keeping his promise right then.

OH LORD THAT WAS LONG. I'm gonna stop now. Um, just, this is AWESOME AND FANTASTIC AND I LOVE IT BEYOND BELIEF AND I CANT WAIT FOR MORE!!! Also, was purgatory and the souls gonna be part of this before the last few episodes of this season? Because if yes, KUDOS, and if not, way to tie stuff in. Its awesome either way. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS STORY =D

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

Wow, what a comment! Thank you!

Concerning Jena you are... totally not wrong. And it's not the last we've seen of her.

The thing with purgatory came in as the sixth season progressed. I've had this story roughly mapped out from the beginning, but it often happens that I want to move from plot point A to plot point B and realise that I need to add some plot points C, D, F and Y to get there. Or in other words: I knew the guys would have to go against Lucifer in one way or another, but I didn't really know how until I got there.

The story is disided into two parts in my mind, and the next chapter will be the finale of the first part. The downside of that is that I will take an extended break after it. I'll keep writing, but I won't upload before I have a certain number of words (worth three chapters or something) so I won't have as much stress keeping up with the posting. The good news is, I'm nearly done with the several big bangs I have taken this year and will have more time for this story, so it won't take that long. I hope.

Especially since everyone liking this story will want to skin me alive after the next chapter.

Anyway, thank you so much for this comment! It made my day!

[marziebarz.livejournal.com]

Oh man, you can't say I'm gonna want to skin you alive right after you say you're taking an extended break! SO NO COOL. And wow, this is gonna be a long one, isn't it. I think I'm gonna have to re-read it during your little hiatus! And I'm so excited we get more Jena!Gabe. I think I'm just gonna stick with calling him Gabe so I don't confuse myself =P but it's awesome he'll be around ^_^

Fair warning, this story gives me lots of feeling, so I might end up leaving ENORMOUS comments on all the chapters as I re-read it. Or possibly writing like a paper on it or something and sending it to you in a message. I really wish I could use this for some kind of school assignment...I should find a course it would work for haha.

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't it be awesome if fanfic analysis was a class in school? During my own school days we once had an assignment in English class (which I always got bad makes in) that had us analyse a picture of our own choice and I chose a pic of my then favorite artist I knew from the internet. (A very manly and macho classmate of mine chose a screenshot of Kirk and Spock from Star Trek and talked about their epic friendship. It was awesome!) /random

Let me just tell you one thing: If there is an author out there who minds enourmous comments, it's not me. I'm delighted to read them, and I'm very curious to learn what you think about my story!

I'm also very happy the fic has such an impact on you! I hesitated a long time before posting it because I didn't think I could interest anyone in a fic that's all about Dean and Cas running through a wasteland while really being all about Sam who isn't even present. As it turns out, I only have a few readers, but the ones I got are awesome! Thank you so much!

[marziebarz.livejournal.com]

Confession...I read the first two chapters mostly waiting for Sam to show up, but then I somehow got completely and utterly hooked and I love it just the way it is now. /guilt

If fanfic/tv show analysis was a major, I would 4.0 those classes SO FAST. But no, I have to (hopefully) major in something useful like Comp Sci and barely pull a 2.2 in calculus. College doesn't play to my strengths =P

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

Nothing wrong with going into the fic like that. I've done it often enough myself.

Having little knowledge of the American college system I only have a vague idea what you're talking about, but I completely agree!

[shabenanizer.livejournal.com]

Wow, for the first time since reading this series I am so unbelievably pissed off at Dean for saying "yes". Like in the tv series, Sam seems to always pay the price for somebody else's screw up; from Mary making the deal to bring John back, to John's last command to Dean, to Dean's bringing Sam back to life and inadvertently stealing him from heaven and setting Sam on the path towards Lucifer.

You have created a rich believable world that I never want to be part of.

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

Oh yes! Sam always gets the short straw and all the blame. My frustration with that actually played greately into this story...

Thank you for reading!

[sinka.livejournal.com]

Okay, so Jena is Gabriel and now it seems so obvious that I feel utterly stupid for not realizing ealier! Of course Gabriel is still alive in this universe since 5x19 never came to happen!! As usual, I have mixed feelings about him, up until his death in canon I thought he was a coward for not standing up to his brothers and sticking for the humanity (whom he obviously was fond of). As Jena it looks like he's trying to help somehow but without getting his hands dirty... my opinion of him will much depend of what will he do from now on.

I'm STILL pissed as hell with Dean of course. I thought I was calmer now but this chapter has awakened again my boiling anger. I was hoping he wouldn't run away but as he has taken yet again the easy way out!! he's so afraid of remembering he's removing himself from anything that could trigger his memory and I feel like he's betraying Sam's memorie yet again. I want to skin him alive so he can understand just 0.00000000001% of the suffering Sam has gone through, specially deep inside he already KNOWS and he's just protecting himself!!. Very much looking forward to that breakdown (and damn him for making me feel this way because I've never been a sadist!).

The interlude... honestly, I had to prepare myself to read it (I locked mysefl in my bedroom with kleenex and water) because as much as I look forward to them I totally dread them as I know they are going to hurt badly. But still, I was not ready for it being so utterly and desperately painful and difficult to read. It was like my heart was breaking a little more with each woord.

Ironically, the sentence that made me start sobbing was "His last thought was, unexpectedly, of Dean.". Because the Dean I love wouldn't have never allowed this to happen and at that moment I missed him as much as Castiel. As much as Sam everytime in his delirious calls to his brother...

Sam's torture was... you can't even imagine how many times I cringed at your descriptions and had to stop reading...

I remember Cas thinking in one of previous interludes that at least Sam didn't remember hell when he came back. It seemed strange at the moment, but now I have the sneaking suspicion that Sam just hid it from him to protect him until the nightmares and madness took hold on him. That sounds like Sam, doesn't it? I see Lucifer lets him in hell for a year at least everytime, so I don't want to imagine what happened to him in there, every demon trying to be more creative than the previous one.

Not very happy with Gabriel in this interlude by the way. I see his point about family but I guess I can't be rational when he's letting Sam to live several weeks (years) of torture. Believing his only friend is dead, and going through an endless queue of demons who want to hurt him.

The worst part was Sam coming back to life without hope, without even believing Cas is real and knowing his fight was useless, and that sooner or later he would give in and all he had done would ammount to nothing...

I've always loved that Sam is incredibly strong, trying to always go forward, so that's why his hopelessness and desperation, seeing him silent and crying and without any spark in his eyes cut through me like nothing had ever before.

So I understand why seeing Sam broken moved Castiel to make that promise. I thought at first he was already thinking on killing him and keeping his soul safe but he said he 'failed'. So I can't imagine what was the plan and were the consequences... unless that IS the plan but something happened and Sam's soul is not as safe or calm or protected as I believed until now...

I'm scared out of my mind about the part one finale in two weeks! And I'm sure it will be at the same time *worse* and *better* that I'm imagining because somehow you always manage to exceed my expectations!!

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

Once again, your comment made my (work-)day!

I'm really happy how Jena worked out. I've been trying to drop tiny little hints without being too obvious. Just so that upon second reading everyone would see it, but miss it the first time.
There'll be more of her/him, too, in the second act.
It's a bit difficult to write him, though, because he's not human and not quite who he was at the end of his life in canon because things that defined him and influenced his desicions never happened. I'll get into that later.

Dean is about to reach a turning point - quite literally. I'm not telling you which direction he'll turn in, though. :P

Sam's pretty much reached the end of his rope. I can't even blame him.

By the way, when Cas thought about failing, he meant Dean, not himself. You're not the only one who got that wrong, though, which made me realise I worded it wrong. I'm going to edit that.

Are you going to feel better when I tell you that you're going to absolutely hate the ending of the next chapter?
Probably not...

[sinka.livejournal.com]

Nope, not feeling better!! In fact I'm feeling even more scared because your know pretty well my tastes and if you say that it can only mean there is even more suffering for Sam ahead. That or Dean is going to turn for the worse decide not to try to bring him back to life either (please Dean I still have faith in the real you, don't crush it) or... I don't know... but I know it will be something terrible and heartbreaking!

Jena worked out incredibly well, you managed exactly what you were looking for because the clues were there all the time!! but still it was impossible to see for me until it was obvious.

The last sentence (now that I understand it, sigh) it's even more heartbreaking since I see that it's the turning point from Cas, in which he understand the old Dean better than ever but precisely what he did becomes even more unforgivable.

Sam at the end of his rope... *sob*

By the way, I don't see if you have seen the Season 7 preview, or any of the ComiCon or E!Online interviews? but it seems we can look forward to a lot Sam's suffering and dealing with the memories of hell! You were worried that Cas was going to fix it on the first chapter, but it seems finally we will be able to see what we were all hoping for in season 6 but never happened!!

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

Yes, I've seen the previews. I'm very exited about them! Finally, some suffering for Sam! (Okay, that sounds just awful.) I'm very much looking foreward to season 7 - other than what seems like most of the fandom but is probably just a very, very loud fraction of Castiel fans. (The "Everything has gone to shit and I'll never watch this again" kind.)