One whole year!

[ratherastory.livejournal.com]

ohsam is one year old today! You know what that means, right? COMMENT-FIC!

Happy anniversary to us, and it's thanks to you, our fantastic members, who consistently come back and hurt Sammy in new and creative ways! \o/

Now, go and commit comment-fic!




SPREAD THE WORD
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Ground Rules:

1. This is a Sam-focused hurt/comfort community, so Sam should be the one in the hurt/comforted role. Your prompts may involve sick!Sam, hurt!Sam, angsty!Sam, basically anything that results in Sam being on the receiving end of hurt/comfort. (No rules against whumping other characters as well, of course, but you have to whump Sam first. ;) )

2. Comment to this post with your desired characters or pairings, and a prompt. All genres/pairings are welcome, BUT no RPF/RPS, please. Please focus on the fictional characters only.

Example A: “Sam, Dean, gen, set in season 2. Sam has a vision and passes out. Cue caring!Dean and limp!Sam.”
Example B: “Sam/Dean, trauma. Sam is injured on a hunt, Dean freaks out when he thinks Sam might be dead.”

3. You can leave as many prompts as you like, but please write one prompt per comment. If you've got a few (and feel free to prompt at will!), comment with each separately. This is to keep the meme manageable.

4. Your prompts can be as short or as detailed as you’d like. i.e. "Sam, Dean. Fever." Or a three-paragraph epic with details (rainylemons, we're all looking at you!). The more detailed your prompt, the less wriggle room you're giving the writer, though, so bear that in mind.

5. Scroll through the comments and when you find a prompt you like, write a fic in reply to the comment. There is no word count limit.

6. More than one comment-fic response to a prompt is totally acceptable, and in fact encouraged. The more fic, the better!

7. When replying to a prompt with your comment-fic, put ‘FILLED’ in your subject line and then anything else you want, ie: a title if you have one/part numbers. It’s not a big deal if you forget this step, but it will make it easier for people to find your fic, and for me when I’m compiling the master list.

8. Anonymous posting is enabled, but I haven't figured out how to turn off I.P. logging. If you're embarrassed by how schmoopy your prompts are, don't worry, we won't tell on you. ;)

9. No spoilers for future episodes. NONE. We will send Missouri after you with a spoon.

10. Standard rules of politeness apply. Do NOT bash any characters. Do NOT say rude things to prompters and writers. In short, don't be a douchebag. The mods will ruthlessly delete any ridiculousness we see.

11. Questions about the meme? Comments? PM your mods! We will be happy to answer your queries.

12. Do feed your authors! They’re awesome. Feedback is THE BEST DRUG EVER.

13. If you want to advertise this, that’s fantastic! It would be really appreciated. Just copy and paste the code provided above into your journal.

In conclusion, have FUN!

Master List

jennytork: Don't care how you do it, but land Sam and Dean in a situation where something that looks really bad, given their history, is the right thing for Sam to do. He has to go all out with his powers, and this time it really is going to change him, he won't be entirely human any more, but it's the only way. He's just gotten Dean's trust back after the soullessness thing and the whole mess of the last three years, and he knows this is going to undermine that. He doesn't trust himself, for that matter, but at a certain point not trusting himself to do the right thing becomes a coward's way out of responsibility. So he's open with Dean, but he has to go through with it. And Dean is angry and bitter and suspicious, and Sam knows he deserves that, but he does what has to be done. And he's hurt, he's hurt real bad. Will Dean be able to treat this injured, not entirely human thing as Sam, as his brother? Too High.

anonymous: A small town's "Haunted Village" turns out to be actually haunted. Sam and Dean show up in time to evacuate most of the school groups before things get too crazy, but they end up stuck in a corn maze with a kindergarten class and its very scared young teacher when all hell breaks loose.

Sam's arm or leg or something gets crushed/snapped/mangled and he's doing his best to keep it together for the kids and their teacher all the while trying to get everyone to safety. Dean is awesomely awesome, doing his best not to draw too much attention to Sam's injury so as not to freak anyone else out, but making sure Sam is all right every few minutes nonetheless. Untitled.

sistabro: Sam's visions and nightmares developed at a much earlier age. The more they progress, the harder it is for him to cope and keep his grip on reality. The headaches and lack of sleep eventually become too much and he turns to cutting to keep himself grounded. Cue awesome big brother Dean who does what he can by coaxing him through the hard times (I'd love a scene where Dean takes a knife from Sam's hand and mention of how he reacts to seeing fresh cuts on Sam's arm), but knows he ultimately can't make Sam stop and it could be something that they'll have to deal with for the rest of their lives. Counting Bodies Like Sheep

radiumgirl: Sam has an unfortunate altercation with a hellhound, and he's not fatally injured, but he's cut up, and in a lot of pain. As if THAT wasn't enough, the encounter also acts as a trigger: the wall cracks just a little more, and his mind is thrown back into Hell. He's seizing, flailing and suffering and making his injuries worse; Dean's trying to take control of the situation, even though he's horrified and panicked at Sam's memories coming back, and also at the very implications of hellhounds in his own life: his death, Jo's death. This Time and the Last Time.

phreakycat: Ever since his week of reliving Hell, Sam's started crying in his sleep. He can't/won't cry during the day, but every night when his defenses are down he sobs and sobs in his sleep.

This makes sleeping difficult for Dean, obviously. So Dean decides he's clearly got to do something to help. He's got to get Sam to cry during the daytime so that they can have a chick flick moment and Sam can let go of some of his angst. Turns out, despite all of Dean's "you're an emo girl" teasing over the years, getting Sam to cry is easier said than done. It's In My Honey, It's In My Milk.

glovered: When we see that flashback at the beginning of Unforgiven, Samuel and Sam are walking out talking about Sam's wound. Well I noticed that he's bleeding and shot or stabbed in the arm. Hurt!Sam isn't good, sure BUT what I really noticed was that Sam was wearing his BROWN HOODIE. Which now has a HOLE in the ARM.
Fast forward to present and maybe Dean finds the ripped hoodie and mends it for Sam. Maybe even soulless!Sam kept it because it was the first piece of clothing Dean bought Sam after he lost everything in the fire at Stanford. Cue Sam being touched by the gesture and apologizing again for, ya kno, letting his bro get turned into a vamp and stuff. Our Boots On With Both Hands.

minviendha: Sometime after getting his soul back, Sam falls ill. It's nothing life threatening, but he feels pretty miserable and can't really get out of bed - though he does try. Sam plays it down, but Dean won't have that. Ever since Sam's soul is back and Dean knows it's only a matter of time until the wall breaks and he loses his brother again, Dean is even more overprotective than in his best days, and now Sam's sick, he is in full "Take you medicine!"/"If you get up one more time I'll tie you to the bed!"/"Shut up and let me read you a bedtime story!" big brother mode. Pause.

minviendha: Sam decides to stay with his family instead of going to Stanford after his father gives him the ultimatum. The hunting life slowly begins to eat away at Sam, & his family can see it happening. Beneath the Trees, Where Nobody Sees.

wave_obscura: Dean has to feed Sam ice chips. Ice Chips.

youaredriving: If poison ivy is burned and the smoke then inhaled, this rash will appear on the lining of the lungs, causing extreme pain and possibly fatal respiratory difficulty. Like An Old Biddy.

blueeyedliz: Sam's wall cracks again, and this time he's out for much longer than 3 minutes. Dean knows that every second is an eternity, but he can't manage to bring Sam back. He figures the best way to snap Sam back into the here and now is to emphasize the differences/good things about reality. But the opposite of torture is... hugs and puppies? I'd love for this to have some degree of awkwardness to it, cuz it's not like Dean's used to just holding his brother, but Sam needs it (and not-so-secretly likes it) and Dean's going to do whatever it takes. Eventually, when Dean sees Sam uncovering potentially wall-damaging memories, he takes a preemptive approach. Maybe they're both a little sheepish, but, really, neither's going to give up the chance to be close AND stave off hell!seizures at the same time. Gen preferred. The Reluctant Romantic.

mercuryblue144Sam still keeps the voicemail from 4x22 even after all this time. He needs not to let himself forget about what he has done and what he is. So whenever Dean smiles at him or talks with him like he really cares, whenever he feels little blip of happiness or normalcy, whenever he thinks he has done something well, whenever he starts believing Dean has forgiven him... he has to reach out to his mobile and listen to the message.

This way he can remind himself he cannot be forgiven, that this is what Dean really thinks of him, and that he is living on borrowed time without any hope for atonement. Who Won't Let A Coward Run.

si_star_x: Schmoopy fluffy prompt! *confetti* Something happens where Sam is forced to cut his hair super short and he ends up being really depressed about it. Dean gives him a hard time about it at first because, hey it's just hair it'll grow back, but eventually he sees how much it's really bothering Sam and comforts him like whoa. "Did I ask for a haircut?

monicawoe: Sam realises he's being manipulated and turns the tables on Ruby. The BoyKing steps up to the plate and not only gets Dean out of Hell before he can pick up the knife, he forces Ruby to abandon Lilith and serve him.

Suddenly there's civil war in Hell and Heaven is completely baffled, so Castiel is sent to find out what's going on. Sam is somehow still fundamentally SAM, though, and manages to hold onto himself. No demon blood. No nothing. Nothing Left To Lose.

monicawoe: So Sam's all put back together again and Robo!Sam, like a good terrifying attack dog, is once again leashed and under the firm management of Sam's soul. Everything is good -- or is it?

[Cut for length] Sam's amoral side has gotten stronger in the year it was at large. It devises better plans, faster. Its inner voice is louder and more persuasive -- and when Sam listens, it gets results. [Further cut for length] As Sam struggles to recover Dean's trust and re-examine himself, Sam and Dean sink into a lonely spiral of second-guessing and paranoia -- while the line between Sam and his inner SkyNet ripples and blurs. Don't Worry.

ratherastory: The Jessica Moore Sam was living with at Stanford? Not his adult girlfriend, but his barely out of diapers kid. Mom died in childbirth, took off, whatever, but Sam's left with his baby and when Dean breaks in, he finds Sam alone in a small apartment with his little girl. If That Mockingbird Don't Sing

radiumgirl: Gen, preseries with a connect to season 6, Dean POV - it sucks when your Boy Scout little brother suffers heatstroke mowing lawns in 110 degree heat because he wants to earn some honest cash. It makes you freak out because, sure, the kid's a giant pain in the ass, but he's kind of your whole world. It sucks more when it happens again years later, not because he's mowing lawns, God don't you just wish, but because it's a 110 degrees and he wandered off into the desert heat during a wall crumbling sort of fugue and he doesn't know you (at first) or what's happening to him and he thinks he's that same snot-nosed teenager in the hospital after a heatstroke, asking when Dad's gonna get there. How do you keep from breaking the kid's heart and maybe ripping down that last shred of wall? You can't tell him Dad's dead and you aren't sure if you should do anything to make him come back to his adult reality because, let's face it, his reality is nothing but pain. But, he's still your world and you still stay by him, comforting and cooling him down and, no not the hospital this time, just a cool bath and rag on the forehead, and your heart breaking into a thousand pieces as you tell him "Dad'll be here soon, Sammy. Shh, he'll be here soon. I promise."

Saying you promise is almost like the first step to saying goodbye and it hurts. The Hollow of his Hand.

captainlon: "Appointment in Samarra" fic: Robosam shatters his leg when Bobby springs the trap door on him. It's a compound fracture, but Bobby is content to let him stew in his pain for a little while because, well, it's Robosam. But then he starts to notice Robo drifting into shock, and, dammit, Dean will be so pissed if he comes back with Sam's soul and finds the body dead, so, fine, FINE, Bobby will go tend to Robosam. Except...well...Robosam still really wants to stab Bobby in the neck, so things get a little awkward. Deadly Patient.

tversan: Sam's fourteen and at home waiting for John and Dean to come back forms hunt. After a week and a half - three more days that Dad had said - Sam has worked himself into in a panic. They could be hurt, they could be dead, how would Sam know? He calls Bobby and Pastor Jim but neither have heard from John. So he decides to hot-wire a car and go to wherever John and Dean are supposed to be. Except his timing sucks and a couple of cops spot him just as the car starts. He doesn't even have time to run away.

I don't know what CPS would do under these circumstances, so if it's easier have John and Dean drive up right then, great, otherwise they can return the next day, perfectly fine. The hunt just took longer than expected. What I want is a fourteen year old Sam in juvie for a couple of weeks. He's small and scared shitless and hand to hand combat is great - when they're not ganging up on you. Juvie.

si_star_x: Sam breaks his leg during a hunt, and badly so. It's shattered, in the puke-your-guts-out painful, going to take a long time to heal and probably will leave him with a limp for the rest of his life kind of way. And all he wants is to lie there and scream, or die or something, but Dean's upstairs, waiting for the thing that attacked Sam, and Sam just found out that their method for killing it doesn't work. So he has to warn Dean, but his cell's broken and Dean's in a soundproof room (or simply out of earshot), somewhere at the top of an awful lot of stairs.

But if Sam Winchester can't run to his brother's rescue, he's going to crawl to it. A little pain isn't going to stop him. The Climb.

minviendha: Some demon with insight into the cage (or Lucifer or Michael themselves, however they'd be able to) taunt Dean with stories about things that have been done to Sam in hell. Through the Glass.

monicawoe: Someone -- Gordon Walker, Walt and Roy, the gang from Free 2B U & Me, whoever -- has it in for Sam. The kicker? They know enough -- about Sam's past, his powers, his *cough*cravings*cough* weaknesses, his HELL SEIZURES -- to put him through some seriously rough times, and bring the inhuman parts of him right up to the surface.

That's before Dean rescues Sam and shoots the crap out of his captors, of course. But by the time he arrives, Sam's already pretty messed up . . . Less and More.

4422shini: Somehow, with bogus insurance and no money our boys always end up alone in their hospital room. But what if that wasn't the case? I want Sam, any injury, stuck sharing a hospital room with the roommie (or family of roomie) from hell. You can make this angsty or comical, just make sure Sam is annoyed beyond belief by having to share a room with someone else. My only stipulation is that the injury is bad enough to keep him there for a couple days, but not so bad that he's unable to gripe and bitch.' Of Hospitals, Roommates and Puke.

vail_kagami: While Dean is in the past (4.03 In the Beginning, that would be) angels (Uriel or anyone, really) find Sam. Suffering ensues, however the writer wants to go about it. Dean comes back and flips about three and a half shits. Getting Lower Ever Since.

greeneyes_fan: People who deal with crisis, or who live in a situation of long-term, ongoing crisis, develop coping mechanisms, behaviors and even personality traits that are excellent for coping with crisis--but which make for lousy methods of functioning in the real world (i.e. a state of affairs where there is not a crisis going on).

What behaviors and traits has Sam acquired in the last few years that maybe he didn't have before, or that are exaggerated versions of earlier ones, which might preclude being able to actually function effectively in ordinary society? Not necessarily the more dramatic possibilities, like the impacts of traumatic memories--what about things like needing to keep constantly busy, or a tendency toward hypervigilance, or a reduced capacity for compassion? Does suppressing his own feelings lead to an inability to empathize with others? Does he feel a sense of relief when something hugely problematic happens because at least this is a situation he knows how to deal with?

Gen, please. Motion Sickness.

quickreaver: Michael and Lucifer fight and they fight over Sam, ripping his soul between their fiery maws like he's a chew toy. [cut for length] Sometimes Michael and Lucifer get caught up in fighting and forget that they're fighting over Sam. [cut some more] hey, it's Hell! NEAT. You don't get to die and Sam lies there, drawing broken breaths through shattered lungs, cast off and forgotten until Lucifer, tired and weary from battle, comes slumping back to him. And he picks up his forgotten toy, drags Sam's limp body to his corner of the cage while he and Michael lick their wounds[further cut]. And there, bit by bit, stitch by stitch, he puts Sam back together again. Kiss With A Fist Is Better Than None.

youaredriving: A resouled Sam discovers that not only was he sleeping around, he was also not so interested in the concept of consent. Cue Sam getting flashbacks of Sam raping or killing a woman that leave Sam puking and absolutely horrified. Untitled.

killabeez: If someone can just find a way for Sam to give Dean the amulet back, and for Dean to be surprised/genuinely touched/really really grateful, that would be amazing. Especially as an understated (but obvious) thing, because he's supposed to be looking out for Sammy, not the other way around. Maybe Sam's dying, and wants to leave a little bit of himself behind with Dean so he doesn't do anything batshit crazy this time. However you do it is great, I just need the amulet back, and for it to be a good thing. That's Why I Hold With All I Have.

27_jaredjensen: sometime season 6, Dean, Sam: Gen bed sharing, forehead feels, neck massage because of headaches, Nyquil, theraflu, hot tea, bad, awful dreams because he can't sleep (you know GOOD sleep), and finally just some good ol' Tussionex which tastes like candy pineapples and has hydrocodone to kill the cough. It also makes Sam sooooooo relaxed until he's sort of floating, in and out, tucked in against Dean on some motel bed somewhere in nowhere land, wrapped in blankets, clutching a roll of toilet paper, and catching random moments of either all of the Lord of the Rings or all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies which Dean watches to pass the time while Sam finally sleeps it off. Medicated.

Anonymous: Sam loses his hearing at Stanford. Untitled.

nanoks: Sam comes back from hell cold and touch-starved. He has to be in his hoodie at all times. Maybe he smokes? He's always twitchy and on-edge. He can never just be comfortable. But he has his brother, and his brother does what he can. Wincest is welcome. A Tender Touch.

dante_s_hell: Sam's tweaked his back pretty bad, so Dean gives him a massage. Thoroughly. Twist and Shout.

de_nugis: Dean settles down in due course with Lisa and Ben. Retires from hunting, because he won't bring his work home with him to endanger his family. Sam tries to do the same, to make a civilian life for himself and be content with his place in Dean's family, but it's hard. He still feels like he should be out there atoning for what he's done, and though Lisa and Ben include him for Dean's sake, he's always a bit on the margins. So he ends up hunting again. He still sees Dean when he can, but he stays away from Lisa's out of the same fear that made Dean retire -- he's not going to have something evil follow him back to Dean's home.

And in the end every hunter is going to draw the short straw. Sam gets hurt on a hunt alone, and he knows it's the end. At least he's luckier than most in having an angel on speed dial. He knows Cas isn't allowed to heal him, but what he can do is get Dean. They say their goodbyes. Last Call.

gwendolynd: Sam is flogged within an inch of his life (literally) for whatever reason. Untitled.

darth_firefly: Sam's tweaked his back pretty bad, so Dean gives him a massage. Thoroughly. Wincest or gen, but prefer the focus to be on the massage (the pain/pleasure of Dean digging his thumbs in, working out knots, making Sam groan in ways that sound good and bad) instead of sex. Massage.

authoressnebula: People begin to disappear, and only Sam seems to notice. Empty Chairs at Empty Tables. Now with a sequel! Everybody Standing Around Us.

bythedamned: Sam tries & fail to cope with the fact that Mary sold him before he was even born in exchange for John's life. Cue Dean being an awesome big brother. One to Sell.

emmram: After experiencing what a crack in the wall is like, Sam dutifully stops "scratching". After a while, though, he starts to experience migraines and fevers and his general health goes downhill . When he finally collapses, Dean has Castiel check him out. Castiel tells them that the wall is holding, but there's so much pressure building behind it that it's killing Sam, and eventually the pressure will just destroy the wall entirely. In order to prevent that from happening, Sam will need to let some of the pressure out every once and a while - meaning every few months he'll need to scratch just a tiny bit and open a pressure valve of sorts, letting just enough hell through to slack off the pressure for a while... The Fragile Substance of My Soul.

minviendha: Sam and Dean are ambushed by a posse of anti-Sam hunters and killed. Dean moves on, but Sam sticks around, pissed about the fact that when the hunters took him out, they took Dean too. A few years pass and Bobby gets wind of some violent deaths going down in the area where the Winchesters fell. He does the math and doesn't like the answer he gets, heads out to put Sam Winchester to rest once and for all. The Ghosts You Know.

captainlon: Sam (and Dean?) go spirit-walking (as in Death Takes A Holiday? Or a curse?) and after they get back in their bodies (break the curse?) Sam's consciousness keeps slipping loose like part of a cheap plastic toy with the insertion tabs broken off.

Cue uncontrolled, random fainting, disturbing astral plane encounters, frantic Dean, and neat ghost tricks. Fragile.

cherry916: Post 6x12. Ever since Sam got his soul back, he's suffered almost constant headaches due to the pressure from the wall. He tries to hide it, but Dean, being an awesome big brother, notices and does his best to help Sam cope with the pain. Under Pressure.

crazybeagle: Sam develops chronic muscle spasms around/near that scar on his back.When it Counted Most.

ancastar: For some reason Sam receives 20 lashes. Dean is made to witness the punishment and suffers each stroke with Sam. Bearable.

emmram: Uriel gets a hold of Sam and Dean and wants to use them against Castiel in the civil war. [prompt cut for length] Ruin.

harrigan: Stanford-era. Sam's got a trick knee from the hunting life -- usually it's okay, but once in a while it hurts enough that he favors it noticeably. He does something to re-injure this knee and iss so used to treating his own injuries that he brushes off Jess' pleas to visit a doctor and wraps it and ices it by himself, like he's always done. The injury is far more serious than he realized, and it just keeps on getting worse -- cue Jess getting kind of frantic and begging him to go to a doctor. Locus Standi.

4thejourney: Sam's visions and nightmares developed at a much earlier age. The more they progress, the harder it is for him to cope and keep his grip on reality. The headaches and lack of sleep eventually become too much and he turns to cutting to keep himself grounded. Cue awesome big brother Dean who does what he can by coaxing him through the hard times (I'd love a scene where Dean takes a knife from Sam's hand and mention of how he reacts to seeing fresh cuts on Sam's arm), but knows he ultimately can't make Sam stop and it could be something that they'll have to deal with for the rest of their lives. My Scars To Remind Me

crazybeagle: SPOILERS FOR 6x15, THE FRENCH MISTAKE. Dean says to Sam "you don't seem all that eager to get back to our universe" (paraphrased). The reason Sam isn't chomping at the bit to get back (even though he knows they have to return) is that in this universe there's no demons, no magic, etc. That means no demon blood, and no addiction. It's the first time in a long time that he hasn't felt that constant hunger niggling away at him. It's such an incredible relief, not to feel that addiction, and he didn't realize how much it was weighing on him until it was gone. Add to that the fact that no hell = no need for a wall, and Sam feels better than he has since, well, ages.

Once they return to their universe, though, the addiction and the hunger and the itching wall all crash back down on him. It's depressing and exhausting and overwhelming. Dean eventually figures out what's going on (Sam can tell him or he can figure it out on his own) and does his best to help Sam readjust. Tabula Rasa.


Sorry for the delay in getting the list up. Please let me know if I've left out your fill! :)

Comments

mommy issues

[letoist.livejournal.com]

I will beg to have this fic written, but I'd really like to see Sam trying & failing to cope with the fact that Mary sold him before he was even born in exchange for John's life. Cue Dean being an awesome big brother.

Re: mommy issues

[meadowphoenix]

Seconding.

Re: mommy issues

[bythedamned.livejournal.com]

YES. Because, exactly. Sam mentions so many times that he had no relationship with his mother, but they never really delve into it. I'm gonna see if I can come up with some way to write this that isn't depressing.

Re: mommy issues

[letoist.livejournal.com]

Depressing or not, I will love you forever if you can fill this! :3

Filled: One to Sell 1/6

[bythedamned.livejournal.com]

So, this got late, and long. Spoilers for S4, set after 4x04, Metamorphosis, so Dean has just a) seen Mary make a deal with Yellow Eyes, b) seen Sam exorcising demons with Ruby, c) punched Sam around for it and then d) filled Sam in on his trip to 1973.

One to Sell


Sam drags a finger through the puddle of blood in his palm, thick and precious, making little patterns across his hand. He’s not wasting it, not giving up even a taste of its undiluted energy, because he knows he’ll end up licking every fleck from his fingers anyway, one by one. Ruby had just given him some more, hadn’t even cautioned him about making it last, so he tips another drop out of the flask and then sucks it all into his mouth. He tongues at the creases of his hand, lapping blood straight from his lifeline, and waits for the rejuvenating tingle to clear his head.

Only once his hands are clean, once he’s scraped his teeth under every fingernail, does he let the shame burn hot on the back of his neck. Except – no. Not this time. The remorse is always brightest when he’s sated but he rolls it off, lets it slip from his shoulders ‘til he can imagine it crumpled on the sidewalk, something he can just walk away from.

Dean can try to beat the shame back into him some more, Sam’ll let him, but it won’t change Sam’s mind. He had already tried to lay the mother of all heavenly guilt on him – that God himself has a finger to shake at Sam Winchester – but that was before Dean admitted where he had been all night. And what he’d found out.

Sam’s almost grateful, in a way, for a reason. To finally know why, no matter where he is, someplace else feels like home. Homes are supposed to be made of worn rugs, comfortable doorways and shared bedtime rituals that bring families closer, not the lump of a foreign pillow and grunts of don’t wait up.

But it turns out, he’d been abandoned, forsaken, from the only home he might have had. Offered up to the Yellow-Eyed Demon for the same man who once made him hold his broken arm in place for seventy miles just to find a hospital that hadn’t already seen their scam insurance.

Even with Jess – sweet Jess, who cried on his shoulder and swore off men until she’d kissed him with tears on her lips – even she’d known there was something off, that he was never going to be her forever-man. When he’s been awake too long, when he reworks the strings between his memories until they’re all cornered around Yellow Eyes, he imagines that Jess welcomed the bedroom ceiling when it came for her.

Just one more casualty in a life that was never supposed to be his. A life that his mother bartered like a seashell, knowing it was worth more to someone else for the right asking price. Maybe that was why she had Dean first; one to keep and one to sell.

And it’s okay. It is. Some facts can be changed, but not the past – that he has to take for face value, instead of always looking for something more, something better.

But, now, there’s Ruby. Who brushes his hair off his forehead and cooks for him after he gives himself a migraine and tells him he’s the best. All of the special children were killed, and he’s the only one who made it back; the only one who can do this, exorcise demons with such an impressive survival rate, and she’s so proud of him.

She calls him sweetie and, sure, thankless is literally in the job description, but what’s so wrong with enjoying a little appreciation?

~+~

Dean said this whole exorcising thing was Sam’s choice to make, but apparently that only applies to Dean-sanctioned decisions, preapproved and signed in triplicate. And now he’s hen-pecking Sam again, like suddenly 4 AM runs to the vending machine are out of the ordinary, and Dean’s convinced Ruby was there. Only that’s not what he calls her, his names are far more debasing, which is funny because he doesn’t even know they’re fucking.

Re: Filled: One to Sell 2/6

[bythedamned.livejournal.com]

Dean thinks he’s protecting him. Sam knows that like he knows he should floss or, fuck, see a dentist at all, but that doesn’t mean he has to take put up with it. Sam also knows these parts of Dean are just a mirror held up to reflect Dad; like the impromptu gun drills and 6AM endurance training, they’re all for his own good. But the demands of where to go, who to talk to – they chafe, and Sam’s got his fists curled to fight Dean just like he fought Dad.

A lot’s changed since Lilith sic’ed the hounds on Dean, even if they’re the kinds of secrets that Sam can hide with a good night’s sleep, but what it comes down to is that he just can’t handle Dad’s particular brand of tough love right now. If Dean would just be his other self, the big brother who rubbed Sam’s legs through his growing pains even though Dad told him to suck it up…

But he’s not. Not right now, anyway. Every since he found Sam with Ruby, Dean’s whole attitude had gone sour, rotten and fermenting until the car reeked of it and Sam had to roll the window down just to be able to breathe.

He doesn’t think this is how it’s supposed to turn out – if Dean was gonna lose faith in the world and the brother that lost him to Hell in the first place, it can’t be after he’s been given back his pumping heart.

~+~

Sam’s so busy choosing his words, words that navigate his lies but hide them all the same, that he fumbles the directions in Albany. They swing high on I-87 instead of east to Syracuse, and they start hitting lakes before either one of them catches on. Dean pulls over without a word, not even bothering to slap on the hazards, and tugs the map straight out of Sam’s hands. Sam’d already had the reverse route figured out, found a way to skip the pile-up that was Albany’s interstates, but Dean spends a solid five minutes staring at the map before he grunts and drops it on the seat between them.

It takes a good forty miles or so of nothing but pines, pines and more pines on either side before Dean starts peeking, trying to get a glimpse of Sam while he thinks he’s not looking.

Eventually he says, “So. Good to see you still couldn’t find your way west at the Pacific.”

Sam rolls his eyes, but eases his shoulders against the seat to loosen them up. “Just tired, s’all.”

“No, seriously.” Dean’s sideways glance chances becoming a smirk, just flirting with the possibility. “Lucky you didn’t drive yourself in circles without me.”

It doesn’t matter how much Dean wants it to be funny, it’s not. Because just as Lucifer had built the Hell below them, Sam had built his very own; two-by-fours of broken promises boxing him in further every day. And there’s really only one reason he never managed to drive himself into the ground, six feet down into it.

When Dean’s grin flickers out, Sam’s pretty sure Dean’s guessed who rode shotgun during his stint in Hell, all five-foot-nothing of her.

Dean tries again, clears his throat and says out to the highway, “Musta got that from Mom, you know. Dad said she was always crap with a map too.”

Sam bares his teeth when he says, “S’nice to have something from her.”

The rest of the drive is silent, with Dean leaning one arm heavily out his own open window.

~+~

The hunt itself is one of those all-research, no-legwork type deals. Dean’s in perpetual motion, restless and bugging the fuck out of them both, until Sam finally snaps and tells him to go find a bar. Whether he comes back with beer or girls in his system, it doesn’t matter, Sam just needs a few more hours with his old friend Google to get the job done.

Dean threads one finger through the ring on his keychain, already singling out the Impala’s stripped key for a quick getaway, but his feet don’t cross the threshold.

“You gonna be here when I get back?”

Sam gestures blatantly at the explosion of tabs open on his laptop, even if Dean can’t see them, but Dean doesn’t budge until he says, “Yes. Dean. I’ll be here.”

Re: Filled: One to Sell 3/6

[bythedamned.livejournal.com]

~+~

There’s only one witness Sam thinks is worth tracking down, even if she is a cantankerous old marm, but she’s about as helpful as a nun with a ruler. She glares at their feet and fiddles with her rings as they step onto her warped and faded Come In mat, and Sam’s pretty sure Dean’s one black cat away from crying witch.

They wipe their feet dutifully, stirring up dust older than most of the grave dirt they’ve dug, and Dean mutters, “Think maybe they just didn’t make brooms when she was born?”

“Heard that,” the woman calls from the living room, and Dean straightens up, mouthing one word very clearly. Witch.

Sam has to swallow his laugh.

It turns out, for all Mrs. Herbert’s nagging ways, she can’t actually pin down when her boy went missing. She brushes it off more than once, telling Dean to not repeat himself and to mind his elders, but when Sam repeats the question instead she finally admits to not knowing. It’s hard to track them all down at once, she explains, when you have eleven.

Sam takes the tea he was cradling in his lap, entirely untouched, and places it on the coffee table to keep from spilling. Or, better, just shattering the damn thing against the sooty fireplace across the room.

Eleven.

He excuses himself, huffing to the bathroom, and traces fingers along his phone in his pocket.

Dean’s rattling the door not five minutes later, open palm making a sharp, thin noise that snaps his attention.

“Come on, dude. She’ll hex ya if you stink it up in there.”

Dean, for once, is the polite brother, thanking Mrs. Herbert for her time while Sam stalks to the Impala. Dean's got the keys, of course, and after checking twice Sam gives up and waits for him to just unlock the damn thing.

He's quiet as they drive, one hand silently scrolling the trackball on the Blackberry in his pocket until Dean turns down the radio.

"So," he starts, eyes off the road for longer than's really safe. "You wanna tell me what that was about?"

Sam shakes his head, so focused on later and getting himself there that he doesn't want to dawdle in the now.

"Sam—"

"Dean. I'm fine." He just needs a minute alone, to breathe and to call Ruby; nothing to worry about.

When they get back to the room, he waits for Dean's inevitable beeline to the six pack of Killian’s, and slips back out the door, phone already to his ear.

It takes five whole rings, but when she finally says his name it's a question and an answer all in one. It's sweet relief, same as her blood, and he doesn't even bother ranting over negligent fucking parents. She would let him, if he wanted to, and that's enough.

Instead, he leans against the vending machine and tells her they're in Upstate, and gives her their room number.

"How come? You low already?"

"Naw," he says, "just saving you the trouble of digging out your locator ring."

"Aww, Sam, you're so thoughtful." Then she laughs, and he ducks his head to laugh along, kicking at the crab grass gasping its way up through the parking lot's asphalt.

He hears Dean's steps before he spots him, could pick out those footfalls over a hundred screaming banshees, and he has just long enough to straighten up before Dean's in his face.

"S'looking for you."

"Sorry, man. Bobby called."

Dean watches him, one skeptical eyebrow arched up. "Oh, yeah? Good, I gotta talk to him." He holds out a hand, even though they both know who's really one the phone, and Dean waits for Sam's awkward hesitation before curling his fingers back in.

"Goddammit, Sam."

“It’s nothing,” Sam says, trying to press the raised End Call button surreptitiously like hiding the phone will erase it from existence.

“Yeah? Just a little shop talk with a demon, right?”

“Not even.”

Dean looks surprised at that, just briefly, but they’ve both had too much practice at interrogations for that to derail him. Instead, he steps right into Sam’s space, reminding him yet again that it doesn’t matter who’s taller, or broader, or stronger. Dean will always be the bigger brother.

“What, then? You making plans to braid each other’s hair? There some reason you can talk to hell spawn, but not your own brother?”

Re: Filled: One to Sell 4/6

[bythedamned.livejournal.com]

“Jesus, Dean.” Sam brushes him off, letting his full weight knock into Dean’s shoulder as he makes for the room. “This has nothing to do with you, okay?”

He’s sure Dean’s fuming behind him, head high and fists clenched for another one-sided sparring match, but Sam refuses to look.

“Sam. Don’t just – Sam, stop.”

He does, rolling his neck to work out the crick of tension before turning back around. Sam was right – Dean’s fuming – but he’s also got a thousand and one tells that only Sam knows. How he drums the steering wheel when he’s got a decision to make, or taps his gun against his knee when he’s nervous. And, now, how he twists his ring with his thumb, letting out his worries so they won’t show on his face, and it’s enough to make Sam brush off the tight edge of anger, at least for a moment. The thick air between them has nothing to do with this case, even if he thinks Dean’s being irrationally calm about the whole thing. Because, would it really be too much to ask for Dean to just give one goddamn about a kid who wasn’t just lost, but ignored?

“Doesn’t it even bother you?”

Dean stands his ground, but raises an eyebrow. “Thought we’d been over the pretty obvious yes on that one, Sam.”

“Not that. That kid. This isn’t just some boogie man, Dean. This is a shit-poor excuse for a mother who let her son get snatched. And if he turns up dead, it’ll be fucked up, negligent parenting that did him in.”

Dean crosses the distance in long strides, shh-ing Sam and checking all the motels for open windows or listening ears. “You wanna talk about dead kids a little louder, Sam?”

Sam swats at Dean’s hand when he tries to usher him towards the room. “I’m just saying. One kid per family, and we’d all be a lot better off.”

Dean recoils, head tucked as far away from Sam as possible, eyes wide but unfocused. Another blatant tell. “You don’t mean that,” he says quietly.

“The hell I don’t.”

“No brothers then, huh?”

He makes eye contact then, practically daring Sam to agree, but Sam just looses the rest of his anger with the breath that’s wheezed out of him. They both know no argument trumps the importance of brothers, but Dean doesn’t leave time for an answer.

“And Mom should’ve just stopped after me?”

Sam’s voice shifts, soft and uneven, because it’s not something he’s ever really admitted before, not even silently. “Exactly. Not, not if she really cared. About me.”

He turns away then, his whole body flattening up to the motel door before the loose knob finally turns and he’s accepted across the dark threshold. In the silent moment that follows, it’s the striking absence of Dean’s footsteps that rings loudest in his ears. He lets his eyes adjust, raising a foot to pull at the laces of his boots.

Dean’s voice spits into the room like a long-range weapon. “Don’t you fuckin’ say things like that.”

He’s nothing but a silhouette in the doorframe, back-lit and unreadable, but Sam can imagine his indignation all the same. His righteous fury, stepping up for the mother whose love Dean could, and would, set a compass by.

“Not ever. You don’t talk about Mom. She loved you.”

And in the brief moment where Sam steels himself, bracing for the platitudes and lies, his resolve breaks. He’s accepted too many false offerings, has too many imparted memories of the mother that wasn’t his, and his disingenuous mask of grief can only hide so much.

He can’t look at his brother, but the words slip out all the same. “She sold me out, Dean. The headaches, the demon war. Jess. She sold my entire life to a demon before I was even born. That’s how much she loved me.”

Dean steps into the room, just far enough for his absolute disgust to be as visible as it is audible. “And did Ruby tell you that?”

Sam’s equally appalled at how easily Dean forgives their mom, how he literally watched her seal the deal and still can’t see where to lay the blame.

“No,” he whispers, “you did.”

Re: Filled: One to Sell 5/6

[bythedamned.livejournal.com]

Then he pivots for the bathroom, the only place he can shut out Dean’s look of utter surprise. He knows, has known all along, that nothing will tarnish Dean’s memory of her, but it still claws at him to see Dean priorities so firmly skewed in her favor. The betrayal burns up his back and neck, the hair there raised like a cat’s, and he wants to dispel all the energy straight through his fists.

He doesn’t, snapping on the tap instead and splashing cold water across his face and down his shirt. It does absolutely nothing so, finally, he does let his fist fly up, his anger jolting into the mirror the way lightning decimates a tree. He ignores the shards, lets the running water rinse them until the only red left is in the reflection of his eyes, staring back at him a hundred times over.

“Come on,” Dean says softly, one unexpected hand on his back and the other immobilizing his bloody wrist. “Come on.”

He guides Sam to one bed and sits on the other, their knees overlapping in the narrow gulley between them. He’s got the med kit right there and, with Sam’s hand laid across a towel in his lap, sets in on the glass.

There’s further silence as he works, not even the bits of mirror tinkling as Dean drops them into a pile. He’s utterly focused on Sam’s hand, tending to what he can, because flesh wounds are well within the Winchester comfort zone.

It’s not until Dean’s grabbed the ointment that he says, “She did love you, you know. She didn’t know what Yellow Eyes wanted.”

Sam peels his eyes from his hand to look even farther away. “She was a hunter. She knew.”

“Sam, she—” He dabs at Sam’s hand, spreading antibiotic in a thin layer down the length of one of the deeper cuts, so lightly Sam barely has to flinch. “She used to sing to you, you know. Make up the words until they were all about baby Sammy.”

“Do you,” Sam looks up, hopeful against all reason, “do you remember any of them?”

Dean’s wince is apologetic, but he meets Sam’s eyes for the first time.

“I remember bedtimes. Mom was big on all that kind of stuff.” Dean nods, like even his own memories need double checking. “Like, typical mom things, I guess. Like getting a goodnight kiss . I think those were pretty much mandatory.” His voice fades out, soft and barely-there like his touch on Sam’s wrist. “Everyone gave the baby one. And then they’d you know, tuck me in, and I’d get mine too.”

He rolls his eyes, without looking up, and keeps correcting the smile that Sam can see creeping back each time.

“She read to you, too. Before you were born. I, uh, I helped.” Dean clears his throat, reaching behind him for some butterfly stitches. “Guess I didn’t wanna learn my ABCs from a monster in a trash can. Already knew, man.” He gives one of his stock smirks and taps his own head. “Monsters are bad news.”

Sam smiles then, too, just faintly.

“But Mom said the baby had to know we were waiting for him, so I read to her big ol’ stomach. Just letters, I think. Boring shit, Sam, I’m telling you, but…” He shrugs, peeling the backings off a standard band aid, and if he was the faintest shade pinker, Sam wasn’t going to mention it. “Anyway,” Dean added, “she said you liked it.”

It’s impossible to imagine, that level of domesticity, with the brother he knows and the mother he doesn’t, but it sounds nice, the thought maybe they did have some bedtime rituals after all.

“Whatever,” Dean finally says, balling up the bloody towel and pushing it aside. “Mom was like that, you know?”

Sam gives a halfhearted smile because, no, he can’t share Dean’s memories. But he’d like to borrow these, stow them away behind the same wall that keeps threatening to break, so that if it does, not everything that comes pouring out will be shame and abandonment.

Re: Filled: One to Sell 6/6

[bythedamned.livejournal.com]

“I’m just sayin’.” Dean stands, turning around to gather up everything and toss it in the bathroom, and when he comes back he shares Sam’s dip in the mattress. “I looked after your scrawny ass ‘cause Dad said to. But the rest—”

When he looks at Sam, it’s like he’s holding his breath. Like he’s waiting for Sam to fill in the missing words, because there are some things they’ve managed not to say out loud so far, who wants to believe things have gotten so bad that the time for that has finally come? And Sam gets it, he knows what those words would be, but he still wants to hear them. To tuck those words away like a security blanket, something to cling to and hide behind like an infant baby who’s still rocked to sleep by its mother.

Dean’s eyes are on him, now, as they sit side by side, heads tucked in and confiding. He doesn’t need Dean to announce it to the whole world. Just loud enough to cross the few inches between them; just loud enough for Sam.

“And the rest?”

Dean’s arm swings up, grappling at Sam’s neck and pulling him into something too loose to be a headlock, but just barely. Sometimes it shocks him how, even now, he fits under his brother’s arm like he’s still six years old, back when Dean would roughhouse just to whisper secrets in his ear when Dad wouldn’t suspect.

“The rest,” he says, chin knocking against Sam’s head as he speaks, “I got from Mom.”

Dean exhales and, with it, slips his arm to Sam’s shoulders and Sam just settles himself into Dean’s hold, cheek hot against his t-shirt.

It’s hard to imagine, that the woman who sold him out is also the reason Dean never would. But if it’s true – if, god, every time Dean promised Sam didn’t have to act brave, not with him, and every time Dean jostled him out of a nightmare, just to show him he wasn’t hurt or alone…

“Don’t need to call Ruby with this stuff,” Dean says eventually, gruff and solid. “Nothing we can’t take care of on our own.”

He can hear his brother’s heartbeat, steady as a promise. Except.

“I’m sleeping with her.”

Dean snorts, and then sighs, but Sam knows that’s all he’s gonna get today. Maybe some other day, some other time, he’d lecture Sam on the pitfalls of sleeping with a goddamn demon, but not today. Instead, he just pulls back on Sam’s shoulder, straightening them both up.

“I mean it, Sam. You got what you need right here, okay? And we’ll find you a better pair of tits.”

He’s got his eyebrows up, waiting and appraising, and Sam eventually nods.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Dean claps him on the shoulder and then, with the same hand, rubs through the short spikes of his own hair and purses his lips against the faintest smile. It is, oddly enough, another of Dean’s tells, and Sam ducks so Dean won’t see him grinning like an easy mark.

“Hey,” Dean calls from the bathroom, a minute later. “Bring in the trash can, would you?”

There’s more Sam should tell Dean, of course, something that sits hidden in a flask meant for whiskey and won’t be smoothed over by minor revelations, but it doesn’t seem quite so irreparable anymore. Nothing he and Dean won’t be able to handle.

“Yeah. Coming.”

Sam watches Dean pinch glass out of the sink, risking the nicks on the pads of his fingers so Sam won’t have to, and quietly cleaning the damage Sam left so they can both put it out of mind. Dean doesn’t say anything else, just wipes the glass away into the depths of the empty trash can, and Sam thinks that if his mother gave him this, then she just might have loved him after all.

Re: Filled: One to Sell 6/6

[wolfish-willow.livejournal.com]

This was amazing. Ruby saying all the things Sam needs/wants to hear just broke my heart because he didn't have a mother to do that for him. And then comparing Dean's tough love with John's was perfect and poor Sam wishing for his big brother instead of his father. I love the ending, how it's hopeful, even knowing what happens after everything.

Re: Filled: One to Sell 6/6

[bythedamned.livejournal.com]

oh, I'm so glad you liked it :) I gotta admit, I was fighting with it for a while. And I like to think that if Dean found a way to be for Sam what Ruby was in s4, things might not have gone the way they did. Because, guh, that season just broke me.

Re: Filled: One to Sell 6/6

[jennytork.livejournal.com]

It broke me, too.