Pick a Hemisphere
Oct. 22nd, 2010 02:28 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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ohsamAuthor:
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vail_kagami Genre: gen
Characters: Sam, Dean
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 1934
Warnings: rape (implied)
Spoilers: Set during 5.03 and 5.04.
Summary: They separated, and Sam's problems are not Dean's problems anymore.
Note: Written for this prompt at one of the older comment-fic memes.
Dean hated hospitals. People died there. People he loved died there. He had faced his own death in halls like this, and under the smell of chemicals and linoleum he made out the lingering stink of sickness and suffering. He didn’t want to be here. Why did he have to be in this place? It had nothing to offer him. Nothing he wanted to see.
He didn’t want to see his brother, pale and still on a hospital bed, breathing through a tube down his throat, completely unaware of his presence. Not knowing Dean had come for him and therefore all alone.
He didn’t want to listen to a doctor telling him what was wrong with Sam.
(I didn’t know Keith had a brother, the doctor told him. There was nothing about siblings in his papers.
Yeah, well, we were adopted. Not really related, you know. But enough for me to be here.)
He didn’t want to know about this. He wanted to punch the doctor to make him stop speaking about tests and counselling, and then tell Cas to take him away from here and erase his memories and make that this had never happened.
But the doctor continued speaking and it had happened, and Sam, Sammy, was here because of it, so here Dean would remain.
He hated hospitals.
-
The driver’s eyes turn black and Sam should have known. He should have known, he should have known, he should have known. Should have checked, said Chriso a few times just to make sure, not just blindly gotten into the first car that stopped to take him further away from his brother and the way he looked at him, and Yeah, I don’t trust you either.
Getting killed in a lame, ancient car and dumped somewhere by the side of the road is the price to pay for his stupidity and he probably deserves it and everything that comes after. He tries to fight, but the moment he sees the back eyes his head is already getting slammed into the window and his strength flows from his limps like water from a broken cup. The inhumanly strong fingers around his throat keep in the words of Latin cramped on his tongue and the knife his fingers fumble for isn’t there. Can’t have you keep that, Dean’s eyes told him. Can’t let you run around with a blame meant to draw blood from demons. Now a demon is going to draw blood from him and he is aware if the irony that after everything he is going to die like this, so random and useless, but he supposes he deserves that too.
Still he fights; kicks and punches weakly, and reaches with his mind for a power that slips away from him whenever he tries to grasp it, like the black smoke curled around the driver’s soul.
If only he could make the demon bleed, if only he could get a single drop –
No, he thinks.
This is what Dean is waiting for.
I’ll rather die.
The demon laughs as the door opens and Sam is pushed out before the car has come to a stop. For a moment it is all asphalt and pain and then boots and taunting words as the demon drags him off the road and does what he came for.
By the time he is done night has fallen, and it is raining. The demon gets back in his car and drives off and Sam is left by the side of the road, bleeding and still alive and wishing he wasn’t.
-
It had been two days, and Dean’s irritation gradually turned to anger. He knew he had hurt Sam by turning him away – Hell, that had been kinda the point! – but they were hunters, and one of the first rules in their profession and their family was never to ignore calls. Especially now that Sam could easily assume Dean wouldn’t call him if it wasn’t important.
Even when he was younger, even during his worst fights with their father, Sam had never violated that rule. And now he wasn’t picking up his damn phone. And apparently he didn’t listen to his voice mail either.
It was damn irresponsible and childish. It also wasn’t like Sam at all. And Dean was angry because being angry was so much easier than being worried.
He was still angry when Castiel appeared in the motel room of the night and said, “I found your brother.”
“Did you find his cell phone too? He seems to have lost it.” The relief Dean felt only fuelled his anger now he no longer had to feel guilty for it. “Why didn’t you bring him?”
“Sam is in poor condition. I found him under a fake name in a hospital in Oklahoma.” Castiel explained, raising a hand to Dean’s forehead. “I will take you there.”
-
Sam will never understand why the demon left him his bag, but he takes the small mercy of clothes that are not torn and soiled, and fake identities, and a gun to hold on to. He leaves what if left of his shirt and pants where it happened and walks the short distance to the next motel. Every step hurts, every breath hurts, but he doesn’t try to catch another ride.
He spends a day in the motel before he has to move on despite the pain that comes with every movement. He cannot stand this place. He cannot stand to lie around and only think.
When he gets the next ride, he throws in as many Christos as he possibly can without seeming vaguely psychotic into the first conversation and the beer he shares with his driver contains more holy water than alcohol. Nothing happens, yet he is glad when the man drops him off at a motel in Garber, Oklahoma, and drives on.
Sam is going to stick with his decision. He’ll stay away from hunting and demons and temptation, and what happened to him isn’t important at all. So he burns his IDs expect the one he used for check-in. He covers the bruises on his face as best he can and gets a job in a bar, and every now and then he sits in front of the toilet and tries not to throw up as waves of pain run though his body. When they subside, he gets back to work. He can’t eat, but that’s okay. He isn’t hungry anyway.
Most of the time, he doesn’t think of Dean much, and he hardly ever wishes that he wasn’t all on his own.
-
Separating from Sam had been a bad decision. Dean knew that now – and turning Sam away when he wanted to come back had been even worse. Especially since Sam had sounded like he really needed his brother, and who knew what he would do if left to his own devices? (Who knew if he would last for three years, like in the future Zachariah had shown Dean?)
So Dean decided to correct his mistake. Zachariah might have shown him the future to convince him saying Yes was the best possible outcome, but all he had really made Dean see was that he didn’t want to lose himself like that, and he sure as hell didn’t want to lose his brother.
And then his brother had the nerve not to accept his call. Dean felt slightly irritated. It wasn’t often he admitted to having been wrong, and even less often that he was willing to choke out an apology, and here Sam was totally ruining the moment.
Admittedly, it was late at night. Perhaps Sam simple slept through the ringing of the phone, rare as that would be. Thinking back, he hadn’t sounded all that fit during their last conversation.
Dean would try again in the morning, but with far less remorse to offer.
-
Lindsey is nice and smart. Sam likes her, but he can’t get involved and that means if he lets her come too close he’ll have to hurt her. He doesn’t want that, but he also doesn’t know how to keep her away because she keeps pushing and he can’t think for all the pain in his head and his insides and his pathetic reactions to being touched. Somehow they end up having dinner. Sam ends up spending an hour throwing up all over his motel room and then another hour cleaning it all up. He dreams of Jess that night and that hurts even worse than breathing.
Lindsey is nice and smart, but she can’t understand what she got into when she dared to speak to him. Sam can’t blame her for the fear she tries to hide every time she looks at him after his father’s old friends are gone. It’s better this way. She’ll stop trying now. They did him a favour.
Except fighting with hunters when outnumbered is not a good idea at the best of times. Now Sam can’t walk straight for the pain running through his body. He barely makes it to the motel, doubles over the moment the door closes behind him.
The room offers little protection. They could come for him again, kill him in his sleep, but he doesn’t care. He just wants to rest.
Jess comes to him again that night, chases away random, unimportant dreams of black eyes and the mud at the side of the road. Only it isn’t Jess, it’s Lucifer, and he doesn’t come to Sam, he comes for Sam.
Lucifer is grateful. Lucifer is sympathetic. Lucifer says, I’m so sorry, Sam.
Sam wakes up and for the first time feels like he can’t do this anymore. So he does the only thing he can think of and calls his brother, the only person he can always count on, not matter what.
-
“Pick a hemisphere,” Dean said. And, “We’re not stronger together, we’re weaker.” And, “Goodbye, Sam.”
Lucifer’s vessel, huh. Truth be told, after everything they had been through, everything that Sam had done, Dean had a hard time to care.
There were implications in this new reveal that were important, and possibly apocalyptically bad. But right now, Dean didn’t have it in him to think about them. He had enough to deal with already. The entire world waited for him to save it and he had his brother to thank for that. Lucifer was just another problem on top of a big pile of problems.
Most of all, he was Sam’s problem. And Sam’s problems were not Dean’s problems. Not anymore.
-
Sam drives on for another mile, going far too fast towards no destination, before he has to pull over and stop. He falls out of the car half-blind, and then he’s retching, for what feels like hours, until there’s nothing left but the taste of blood on his tongue.
The lights of the old car he stole go out when the battery dies. Sam doesn’t care, has no strength to move and no reason to try.
It is long after sunrise that someone stops beside his car and then there are hurried voices and eventually hands that touch him and carry him away. Sam wants to laugh, tell them they needn’t bother. The devil is taking care of him now. For the first ever his life, at least, is truly safe.
For the first time ever, there is no hope at all.
He doesn’t try to tell them. He just lets go and falls though the welcoming darkness that is vast and lonely and contains only him.
October 22, 2010
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Date: 2010-10-22 12:52 pm (UTC)You always manage to hit that fine note of perfectly mixed character angst and enough plot to not make the character angst overwhelming. You're fricking brilliant.
*mems*
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Date: 2010-10-22 02:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-22 01:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-22 02:12 pm (UTC)The phone call in The End... You know, sometimes I really like Dean. And sometimes I really, really don't.
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Date: 2010-10-22 02:44 pm (UTC)Are you gonna continue this?
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Date: 2010-10-24 01:12 am (UTC)Glad you liked it, thank you!
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Date: 2010-10-22 07:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-24 01:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-22 11:08 pm (UTC)This hurt so good. I just wanted to throttle Dean in that episode, and this was just an amazing, painful look at what could have happened while they were separated.
Amazing piece. <3<3<3
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Date: 2010-10-24 01:16 am (UTC)Season 5!Dean was hard to bear sometimes. Sometime I wish something bad had happened to Sam (apart from the hunter-attack, which Dean probably never heard about) just so Dean would feel guilty. Yeah, I'm a bad person.
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Date: 2010-10-24 01:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-25 05:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-25 10:32 am (UTC)Glad you liked this!
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Date: 2010-12-07 06:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-08 06:16 am (UTC)Thanks for commenting!
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Date: 2011-02-18 07:09 am (UTC)I soooooo want to see more between them but it's beautiful as a one-shot =]
Thank you!
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Date: 2011-02-18 03:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-02-26 01:25 am (UTC)this piece of yours is beautiful, but so so sad. the emotions reached such a dark place, and even though nothing was graphic, sam's despair and hopelessness is so vivid. you're an amazing writer, i can't tell you that enough. ♥
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Date: 2011-02-26 08:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-29 08:25 pm (UTC)Have I ever told you your storytelling skills are amazing? I love how you tell us both separate stories: Dean's POV going backwards and Sam's POV going forward. So when one is coming the other's going... it accentuates how they keep missing each other, being out of sync, exactly like it was during season four and most of season five.
And that separation is specially intense in the first and last scene, in which Sam goes under feeling hopelessly alone... never knowing Dean will arrive to the hospital and know exactly how he is feeling. At last Dean is ready to reach to his brother and give him comfort, but it's too late and Sam is too far gone. Yet again they missed each other by a beat.
I *almost* wish something like this had happened in the series so Dean could snap out of it, stop the self-pity trip and take some responsability for his acts. After all, if it weren't for him shutting Sam out, probably the apocalypse wouldn't have arrived in the first place (eventhough Sam will never ever think on blaming him).
Intense and harsh and beautiful (and I'm in love with your brain).
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Date: 2011-03-29 09:52 pm (UTC)I'm trying not to be too harsh on Dean in my Season 5 (or even Season 4) fics and see things from his perspective, but it's hard, because I have a hard time not wanting to punch him in the face a lot of the time. I agree with you concerning the apocalypse. Unfortunately, doubting his brother has always been depressingly easy for Dean, even before Sam ever gave him a reason to.
(Even more frustrating than Dean's behaviour is the habit of a large protion of the fanbase to make it all Sam's fault on principle, but that's neither here nor there.)
Thank you for reading!
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Date: 2011-03-29 10:56 pm (UTC)I totally agree with you. I love Dean, but I don't think he is perfect. In fact being flawed and conflicted is what makes both brothers so interesting. Besides, I understand Dean's point during season four, I do. He was overwhelmed, hurting and with PTSD. He could barely focus on anything outside himself, which lead to his mistakes. So what happened was as much his fault as Sam's.
It's unfair how misunderstood is Sam in the fandom. He is demonized for selling his soul for his brother (exactly the same than Dean did for him). In my opinion the only difference is that he wasn't allowed the easy way out, and had to sell himself little by little bloody chunk after bloody chunk.
The same happens with the seals. Nobody blames Dean for breaking the first one while torturing innocent souls, because we understand he just couldn't stand the pain anymore. But lots of people blame Sam for breaking the last one, when he was actually killing a terrible demon (and thinking his brother was at the other side of the door trying to hunt him). Both of them were manipulated, but meanwhile one of them is easily forgiven, the other carries the burden of the guilt in his shoulders.
And yeah, Dean is something of a self-righteous bastard at the beginning of season five (until his trip to future!land) and even after that, he is the first to lose faith in Sam and the world, when his brother has NEVER lost his faith in Dean and in keeping on fighting. That's why I love reading stories situated in this timeframe.
Maybe I'm seeing a different series than other people, but for me the series is about both brothers. Their separation broke the world, and their union fixed it.
(got a little carried away, sorry for the rambling!)
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Date: 2011-03-29 11:47 pm (UTC)...The really sad thing, though, is that at least some of that was clearly visible to the viewers even before the finale of the season, if one cared to think about it for a second.
Anyway, the Dean-centricness of that season probably explains why a lot of people hated Sam for calling Dean weak and a burden under the Syren's influence in Sex and Violence but thought it was completely okay for Dean to call Sam a monster that had to be hunted down - despite the fact that Dean had told Sam the same thing before, when he was not under anyone's influence... (Which was one of the general audience reactions that seriously, seriously pissed me off.)
... Sorry, I'm rambling. Sore toppic, obviously. Just for the reccord, I love Dean, too.
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Date: 2011-03-30 10:34 am (UTC)I understand we have to work on it a little, but come on, we get enough clues about what Sam's feeling! I never had any problem understanding Sam's desperation, and I surely saw him crumbling down when Dean calls him a monster (and after Mystery Spot it shouldn't have surprised anybody how Sam handled Dean's death). We are supposed to know him better than that! Although, well, Dean is supposed to know him better than that too... that's why I think Sam is right when he tells Dean at the end of season four that he never really knew him (specially if he thinks that of him).
And YES!! I also think EVERYTHING Sam did was to protect Dean and nof for his ego (what's that? Sam doesn't have it). He *expected* to die fighting Lilith because he wanted Dean to have a future. Dean never asked him if he wanted to be revived in exchange of his soul, and still Sam thinks it's his fault! As usual he took the blame and kept fighting, trying to make everything right. The only thing that Sam really thinks about is about Dean being being safe and happy (something that gets really clear in swan song). His own fate stopped being relevant at the end of season 2.
Trusting an angel or trusting a demon... I think it was a bet that if you look at it objetively both options were wrong. In fact Dean only got lucky because Castiel changed sides. Sam suspected the angels because they were acting like dicks, and he was right. What's funny is is that Sam would have been the first to follow the angels' advice without a doubt if they didn't have a hidden agenda. Dean gained a purpose, while Sam lost his faith (yet again losing another of his anchors and supports).
What I hated about "Sex and Violence" is that we never got to see what Sam saw in the Siren. Dean obviously wanted his brother back, but Sam is kept an enigma. I'm sure he also saw a brother who loved him and accepted him for who he was, but they didn't even talk about it.
Yep, also seriously pissed off about fandom's unability (or unwillingness) to understand Sam, and also about their willingness to replace him with Castiel. I love Castiel, but I'm absolutely unable to read Dean/Cas fics because of that reason (I'm kind of in love with Sam/Cas though... he never rejected Sam and in some ways he treated Sam a lot better than his own brother). Oh, and I can't stand evil!Sam either, it's so far away from what Sam really is that I cannot even get near it! After all, they tried to turn him bad and never succeeded. They could only could make him to do what they wanted making him belive he was actually saving the world.
It's a very very sore spot for me too, Sam just doesn't deserve the hate. But I had kind of given up trying to reason with other people about it. That's why discovering ohsam (and your fics) was like finding a safe haven. Personally I find Sam's story a lot more tragic than Dean's, so it's great to find other people that share my views.
My opinion? I think our view of Supernatural is a lot less biased and more realistic about both characters and what the series really is about than those of certain parts of fandom. We are still seeing the epic love story of Sam and Dean, and not only of Dean and his sidekick (whether Sam or Castiel).
You can ramble to me what you want! :D I certainly enjoy it. *Looks above* in fact I think it encourages my own rambling...
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Date: 2011-03-30 12:50 pm (UTC)An interesting thing regarding bias: my friend started watching SPN with the fourth season. She did so because of Castiel and never had any interest in the earlier episodes he wasn't in. She also shipped Dean/Cas, and so I was extrememly surprised when she told me that she actually liked Sam much better than Dean, who she thought was a bit too much of a jerk. And despite never caring much for either of them, she did see Sam's struggle and understood his motives without having to try. (And that was before I was ever watched more than a couple of episodes from season two I happened to catch on tv, so I had absolutely no influence on her there.)
Eventually, for the sake of getting a better grip on the language, I started rewatching the show in Japanese, and my friend joined me for it. It took her about five episodes to shift her opinion on the characters from "Castiel is the best thing ever and Dean and Sam are meh and slightly-less-meh guys on the side" to "Cas, get out of my wincest!"
I love people who aren't stuck in their views!
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Date: 2011-03-30 07:48 pm (UTC)I have a friend that's exactly the oposite. I introduced her to the series a few months ago, and she liked Dean better fromt he beginning. For example she is convinced Dean is smarter than Sam, just that Dean never took his LSAT... yeah, right.
Still, I was very surprised when she started getting more and more mad at Sam in seasons four and five. I still remember when she said "It's always Dean the ones who pays and the one who suffers at the end". I nearly laughed myself to death.
We have had long discussions, and although she also believes in Sam/Dean as OTP, from her POV everything is Sam's fault (and he deserves how Dean treated him). Basically she thinks Sam is always wrong, and the he should accept it and start obeying his brother, because obviously Dean will always know better and save the day. Honestly, I shudder just imagining it (and I don't think Dean would be too happy with that arrangement either).
After a while we just stopped discussing and agreed to disagree. I'll always defend Sam and she'll always defend Dean. It makes watching every episode really interesting, though!
But I still think the only reason she is a Dean!girl is because she found him more attractive from the beginning, so I can't help thinking it's like that for A LOT of people in the fandom. They are simply: "I think Dean is hotter, so he has to be always right!!".
Huh... okay, ramdom story was ramdom, but I needed to share!!
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Date: 2011-03-30 10:52 pm (UTC)Not that Sam doesn't have fans like that, too. I remember a submission at
Heh. You see, I understand all about the need to share. Agreeing to disagree was probably the best you could do. Some opinions won't be changed on either side, frustrating as that can be for the other one.
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Date: 2011-06-16 11:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-18 11:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-25 09:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-28 09:43 am (UTC)Please don’t think I’m stalking you? Although I kinda am. But I swear it’s only in an ohmygod-must-gush-and-flail-over-all-the-deliciously-angsty-plotty-stories way)))))
This was so brilliant and it hurt so good and the emotional vibe felt so very very true to what was going on in Show at the time. Loved how the timeline was arranged in this, it somehow drives the alone abandoned hopeless all the deeper. Would’ve loved if this was picked up someday, because I need to see Sam wake up and Dean to actually make an effort – yeah, can you tell the whole “pick a hemisphere” thing is still a sore topic for me? Not helped by the fact that I did a rewatch of S5 not too long ago… But it works wonderfully as a standalone, even if more gutting. Actually, see that little wibbling mess huddled in the corner and mewing forlornly Saaaaaaammyyyy? That’s me after this fic. Apparently, I’m a glutton for punishment, because I sometimes have this irresistible urge to read 5.03/5.04 AUs set in the same vein, and yours and minviendha's stuff just always rips my heart out because it’s so totally what could’ve happened.
On a side note, can I just say that I’ve seen your discussion with sinka above, and realized that I love both your brains to bits? (I mean that in a totally non-creepy, wholesome happy-to-find-people-who-share-my-views kind of way))))))). I was literally bouncing in my chair going “YES dammit yes thank fuck FINALLY” over every word. You’ve actually listed all the reasons to why I’m treading my way around this fandom so very cautiously.
Funnily enough, I also started out as a Dean fan, because he felt to me a more fleshed-out character. Then from S2 I found myself paying closer attention to Sam, fully appreciating how not easy it must’ve been living with the thought that your own father basically saw killing you as a viable option and your brother was entertaining doubts about whether or not you’ll turn evil (and still we get the question why not tell Dean about the blood Azazel fed him?!); by the time I got around to S4 with its “if I didn’t know you, I would want to hunt you”, I was pretty much a Sam fan through and through. Which is not to say I don’t love Dean or Cas – I’m just not so quick to accept all their actions as flawless and always right and the only correct course and Sam being always in the wrong.
Speaking of Cas, is it funny to anyone how there’re so many parallels between him in S6 and Sam in S4? Let’s see:
Exhibit A: S4 Sam in a situation with odds highly not in his favor (Lilith running around trying to start the Apocalypse), trusting a demon (who, if I may just point out, did save his life at a coupla times, and Dean’s life in S3 – even if not permanently - and generally helped them out and showed herself to be useful) and willing to do whatever it takes for the right reasons, the good goal (kill Lilith, stop the Apocalypse, protect just-out-of-Hell Dean), regardless of personal cost (lying to Dean, drinking demon blood).
Exhibit B: S6 Cas in a situation with odds highly not in his favor (much-stronger Raphael with sights set on Apocalypse take 2), trusting a demon (who did turn out to be useful in the first battle against Lucifer) and willing to do whatever it takes for the right reasons, the good goal (reinstate order in heaven, stop the second Apocalypse), regardless of personal cost (lying to Dean, breaking Sam’s Wall to get the Winchesters off his back).
Now if we take a look at fandom reaction over these two examples… yeah.
Thanks for such a awesome fic! (and putting up with my ranting))))
no subject
Date: 2012-07-29 12:35 pm (UTC)Sam's actions in season 4 mainly harmed himself, and he was willing to sacrifice everything, even his relationship with his bother, to do what he thought was right. Yeah, he did hurt Dean, but didn't think it would destroy him - let's remember for a moment that Sam stopped with the demon blood after Dean came back (easy to overlook, admittedly, with the whole season being told from Dean's perspective, but still clearly stated) and only started again because a) they needed his powers (even Dean who was so against them complainen when they started to fail) and b) his relationship with Dean was already ruined. He found that Dean didn't trust him anymore, thought of his as a monster and would rather hang out with his new angel friend, so Sam didn't really have a reason not to sacrifive his humanity for Dean's sake.
Castiel, on the other hand, knowingly subjected Sam to something he himself had warned them would destroy him, he knew what this would do to Dean which was what made him descide this would be a good distraction in the first place, and there is absolutely no excuse for his actions. He claimed he was fighting for the boys, to keep Raphael from rendering their sacrifices obsolete, but he completely lost sight of his ends over his means.
I admit I was thouroughly pissed off every time someone declared that Dean was a bad person for not forgiving Cas for what he did when "after all, he forgave Sam". It's not the same, and it's not like he didn't spend a whole season constantly reminding Sam that he fucked up and that everything was his fault and they couldn't trust him anymore. (As did Castiel, which makes him s big fucking hypocrite.) I actually wanted Dean to be even more pissed.
And here I am rambling at you. Huh. Sorry about that.
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Date: 2012-07-30 06:36 pm (UTC)I'm right up there being biased with you :) but then again, I think being sorta biased is only natural when you relate to something(one).
There are just so many things that have taken wrong turns in the bros' relationship in S4, never fails to make me hurt for them.
And yep, there is definitely a main character POV edge about Dean, isn't there? Not that there's anything wrong with it, it's just a little balance in the distribution of "headspace" portion of the plotline would be great - I mean, for all that a generous chunk of the plot "action-wise", as it were, is indeed dedicated to Sam, we're rarely given a chance to see firsthand how everything makes him feel (I mean, when I try to remember an emotional scene focused on Sam, like a major scene, I'm getting S4 "I know what you did last summer" flashbacks and "when the levee breaks" panic room...)
Why oh why does Canon Cas insist on subverting my attempts at Sassy-goggles with the giving Sam grief in S5 about not making the right choice and the bringing-down-of-wall in S6? *sighs sadly* Oh well, that's why I stalk your fic! :) *glomps fic*
PS. hey, totally no worries about rambling at me, your rambling makes me happy and ramble back :)
PPS. this is actually my third attemp to make LJ post this - lucky me for backing my scribbles up - so I hope it's not turning up in triplicate somewhere...
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