Fic: And this Great Blue World of Ours, Chapter 9

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

Title: And this Great Blue World of Ours (Chapter 9)
Author: vail_kagami 
Beta: minviendha 
Characters (overall): Dean, Castiel, Sam, plus a number of angels and demons
Rating (overall): NC-17
Warnings (overall): violence, torture, drug use, insanity, mentions of rape
Spoilers: Going AU during episode 5.18: Point of No Return. No spoilers for season six.
Words (this chapter): 7,749
Summary: A man wakes up in a ruined wasteland, without memories, without a name, without knowing the strange guy who claims he used to be an angel, or that he once had a little brother. All he knows is that the world is dying, everyone is lying to him and that somehow, somewhere, something went terribly wrong. Because someone said Yes when they should have said No, and someone else paid the price.

Masterpost

Dean might not have pulled the trigger, but he’s the one who handed over the gun and the guilt is the same.

Posted at Dreamwidth due to length. Comment anywhere you like.

Comments

[marziebarz.livejournal.com]

Chapter 10 is gonna be a week late? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to go insane haha.

Anyways, this chapter was AWESOME. MY heart was breaking a little bit when he just skimmed over Bobby's name without recognition or anything (although part of me was going of course Bobby wrote books on surviving the apocalypse. This is why I love you, Mr. Singer). And then when he got to Sam's journal, and the reader could fairly quickly tell it was Sam's and DEAN DIDN'T KNOW. Just - GAH. DEPRESSING. But I'm kind of glad that Dean opened his eyes to the guilt, because this wouldn't have happened if he hadn't let his brother down. And can I just say that his inability to say Sam's name is verrrrrrry interesting? OBVIOUSLY YOU DON'T CARE, DEAN. THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT HIM IN ANYTHING BUT ABSTRACT TERMS. Moron. And on the moron note, admittedly he doesn't remember this but you'd think he'd have learned his lesson about making deals with people. IDIOT.

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

Bobby is just that awesome. It's what he does.
And yeah, Dean's a moron. He's gonna get worse before he gets better.

If it's any consolation, the next chapter will be longer. (10,000 words.) And the one after that has another Cas & Sam flashback. Oh, and the wereabouts of Sam's soul will be discovered soon, too. Things are getting somewhere.

Thank you for the comment and for sticking with this fic even though it's long and moving slowly!

[marziebarz.livejournal.com]

Again with the worse! You can't leave me tidbits like that and let me stew for 3 weeks! ^_^

YAY SAM AND CAS!!! I live for flashbacks, really =P I am a shameless Sam!girl haha. I like all these little mini-spoilers, my sanity may stay okay until you get back!

Have a nice vacation =D

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I'd hate to damage your sanity, so I'm happy you'll keep it!

[gidgetgal9.livejournal.com]

Dean is suffering Fonzitis... can't say a certain word huh? My hope when he does and the wall breaks... all of his memories will return. Have fun on vaca! :)

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

Heh. I know exactly when the wall will break. Dean has the worst still head of him.

Thanks!

[sinka.livejournal.com]

Okay, you were right. You told me you were going to leave at one place I wasn't going to like and I DON'T!! Because, you know, I can deal with sadness, pain, regret, melancholy... but I *really* have a hard time dealing with ANGER!! And, yeah, I'm angry with Dean! I'm so angry I want to beat him to a pulp and shake a little sense into him. Because what's all that crap about not caring about Sam AT ALL???

I was glad when he finally got it, when he finally realized the importance of what had happened, because we got another of the pieces that were missing from Dean, his empathy and kindness. But I just don't believe he would care so much for the suffering of normal people and doesn't care for the person he betrayed??? for the person who has been suffering unending pain because of him during YEARS?? He doesn't remember ANYBODY, and he still cares for all of them, EXCEPT for the person who has suffered the worst fate and sacrificed EVERYTHING because of you?????

I know, I know... I'm rational enough to understand he's deluding himself. He obviously cares so much he's scared shitless, he's afraid of retrieving his memories because he probably won't be able to stand it... But still... he's BELITTLING Sam's suffering!! And that's something I just can't... argh!!

Sincerely, I don't know how Cas has been able to hear him say such terrible thing and not punch him in the face. I wouldn't have that self-restrain. He has to man up and face up his memories! He cannot keep running forever!! I really need some resolution about this. I've never missed Dean so much as I miss him now, because this petty little coward is definitely not Sam's big-brother!

Okay, breathe, calm yourself... apart from that I loved your depiction of Dean's breakdown, it was even difficult to read (although a little sadistic part inside me now wants him to suffer!!). That house was certainly creepy to give me goosebumps!

I'm a little disappointed he didn't even find Bobby's name familiar (and how awesome is Bobby writing a book about the apocalypse?). I was hoping it would at least seem familiar or ring some kind of bell. But nothing. He has a wall in his mind that doesn't let him go near anybody that was really important to him before. I guess it will hurt him deeply to remember Bobby too, after all, he killed him.

By the way, that nameless journal? It's so obviously Sam's that it totally broke my heart. Of course Sam would want to follow Bobby's steps and write down all his knowledge to help others before it was too late, but Dean simply skimmed over it!!! he was able to read even the most illegible parts but still NOTHING! He just couldn't wait to get rid of it and give it to Castiel. It hurts to think Sam probably wrote those when he was going through withdrawal or trying not to fall into madness.

And the name! I didn't see that one coming! I remember a couple of episodes back I was convinced that Sam's name was they key that would open Dean's memories, but then Castiel started mentioning him and I though I was wrong. I didn't realize that it was Dean who had to actually SAY Sam's name. Now I think he has to say that name as a proof that he finally *acknowledges* his brother's existence and importance and actually wants to remember him. When he does it, the wall will crumble and we will finally welcome our beloved Dean again.

And now I have to wait THREE WEEKS! *sob* And the worst part is that we still have no guarantees next episode will make it better... I don't know how much longer will Dean keep being so stupid, after all, you did say it's going to get worse...

Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful vacation, dear (I'm on vacation right now and thanks got I have conection, although it doesn't work half the time). I will be waiting here, having strong murderous feelings towards Dean and hoping for a strong meltdown full of regret when he finally remembers to make up for all his crap.

[vail-kagami.livejournal.com]

I knew you wouldn't like it, though I didn't expect this strong a reaction. I can understand, though - I probably would have reacted differents if someone else had written it.
This part wasn't even planned. It just happened.

I hope it'll be some consolation that when Den finally crashes, he'll crash hard. And you're right, it's all a protection mechanism of his mind to keep him from going crazy with guilt. To closer he gets to feeling the impact, the worse the denial. And Sam, of course, is in the center of it all.

I think Dean actually kind of knows it was Sam's jounral, he just refused to actually get it.

Bobby's gonna be another hard hit, but Sam will hit him far worse, when he does. (I estime another four of fice chapters until then, though. It happens after the point I tend to call "Finale Act One" in my mind.)

I hope you enjoy your vacation as well! I just arrived in the first hotel (not counting one-night stops off the road) and the first thing I did was test the internet connection. Sad, I know, but I really want to be there for the artist claims at spn_gen_bigbang tomorrow.

[sinka.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm certainly more calmed knowing for sure Dean will eventually crash. I nearly wept when I thought I would have to wait for five chapters, but I'm nothing if not patient.

Still... holy shit, "ACT ONE"????? Wow, I haven't expected that and I'm really excited about it (even if that means I won't get any resolution any time near!). Can I ask how long do you have planned this story to be? It's going to be an EPIC NOVEL and I can't even imagine what's the path you are goint to take!